Finding new life and strength in Christ after growing up with
corporal punishment/spanking/smacking –
A Bible Study To Help Heal The Hurts Of The Past
By
Samuel Martin
Note: Samuel Martin is the author of the book "Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy" - It is available free on his website as a download - https://www.biblechild.com/assets/thy-rod-and-thy-staff-they-comfort-me-mar-2013.pdf
It is also available in hard copy on Amazon here - https://www.amazon.com/Thy-Rod-Staff-They-Comfort/dp/0978533909/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2FF8KXS6UQ1Z1&keywords=thy+rod+and+thy+staff+they+comfort+me&qid=1562349554&s=gateway&sprefix=thy+rod+and+t%2Caps%2C312&sr=8-1
Note that I have also recently released a second volume dealing with the very important text of Hebrews 12:5-11 which is used by many Christians advocates of corporal punishment/spanking/smacking to teach Christians that it is necessary to hit children.
This new book seeks to provide Christians with a different point of view and much deeper examination of the New Testament focusing in on the book of Hebrews.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0978533941/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0
Note that I have also recently released a second volume dealing with the very important text of Hebrews 12:5-11 which is used by many Christians advocates of corporal punishment/spanking/smacking to teach Christians that it is necessary to hit children.
This new book seeks to provide Christians with a different point of view and much deeper examination of the New Testament focusing in on the book of Hebrews.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0978533941/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0
Where do you begin to talk about the pain felt by so many
surrounding the issue of corporal punishment/spanking/smacking?
I guess a good enough place as any to start is with my own
experience.
I’ve talked about this a little bit in my book “Thy Rod and Thy
Staff, They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy” saying:
“I was raised in a very strict religious home and when I did things
wrong, smacking was the chosen method of “correction.” One of my earliest
recollections as a small boy was being spanked in Interlachen, Switzerland for
getting too close to the edge of a mountain guardrail. I, like so many people
before me, was taught that these smackings were good things to help me become a
better person. I believed this teaching to be the truth of God.”[1]
I am going to put more of my personal experiences in an appendix at
the end of this material because I don’t wish these comments, which are
potentially unpleasant and can be triggering to some people who experienced
abuse as children, to be front and center to what I want to do with the
material. This material is about healing and about helping dear sisters and
brothers in Christ find some tools to help them heal from the childhood traumas
that came from the aggressive corporal punishment they received. So, what
happened to me personally is not the focus. I can say that my own experience
with corporal punishment/spanking/smacking was quite mild (I got spanked almost
always by my dad and I did not like it, but it was not a daily experience
because generally speaking when I was younger I was well behaved) compared to
the experiences of some people I know and it is their experience that is the
focus of this material, not my own.
Troubling Testimonies About Experiences Growing Up in Christian
Homes
Over the years, I’ve read some really terrible testimonies of what
it was like for some children who grew up in terribly abusive Christian homes. Unfortunately,
today, many people carry these wounds deep in their souls and find their path
to healing and peace a difficult one.
I would like to refer to two testimonies in this paper that have deeply
touched me personally and really were the main catalysts that caused me to
write this material. Note one testimony is from an abusive mother while the
other concerns an abusive father.
The first is from a friend who described her upbringing like this:
“My friend relayed that while talking about her abusive mother: “let’s
just say that bedtime prayers, for me, until about the age of seven, involved:
‘You’re a very, very bad girl. You’re too young to be accountable, and if you
keep on the path you’re on, you will go to hell. So I’m praying that God lets
you die tonight so that you have a chance to go to Heaven because of me serving
God.”
This dear sister in Christ is still traumatized and suffers many
psychological issues and problems due to her upbringing. This is one of the
more extreme things I have ever read. One must understand that this little girl
suffered serious abuse at the hands of her mother which included violent
corporal punishment.
Another testimony (unedited), which is a little longer, is also very
important to mention here saying:
“I have experienced abuse quite a few times in my life so it
might be a little convoluted. I also have PTSD so my memories of my childhood
come in bits and pieces, which is probably merciful. I was beaten as a child,
to the point where my mother thought I might die, but she was afraid to turn my
father in bc she thought they would take me away from both of them. This went
on my entire childhood. So I don’t have many memories of my childhood- I have
some, but they kind of come and go, at different times. I don’t remember many
happy memories.
When I got older my parents being strict Baptist still tried to
control every aspect of my life even when I was 21, and I finally moved out. I
married when I was 22. He seemed nice at first. But he ended up being abusive-
financially controlling, verbally abusive, mentally abusive, and physically
abusive at times as well. He is bipolar and there were some good times but
overall it would swing back the other way. We had our children together but
when he finally became abusive in front of them, I got the courage to leave.
(We did try counseling three separate occasions, multiple sessions each time,
with different counselors.)
Being a single mother was difficult, but not nearly as difficult as
being in an abusive relationship.
I still see a therapist who has really helped in my healing
journey. But I know not everyone takes that step. The things that are hardest
are flashbacks, nightmares, because they put me right back there and all of
those feelings flood back over me. And the other difficult part is that when
you are treated like you are a bad person from childhood, it is hard not to
feel like you’re bad deep inside.
Like this guilt that is sourceless. But deep seeded.
I do struggle with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and claustrophobia. I
believe counseling has helped so much and I do see my doctor for medications.
I’m a firm believer in doing whatever it takes to be healthy for myself and my
family.” (Testimony ends here)
One a brighter note, I would like to add that this dear sister in
Christ learned of and read my book which helped her greatly and today she is in
a much better place after having joyously remarried a kind and loving, gentle
man who is truly what all women hope and pray to have in their lives. She also
agreed to share her testimony here knowing that it could be used to help
someone else who may have experienced something similar saying:
“My husband is so supportive and loving to both me and my
children (she had two children) and has accepted them as his own. This is the first time in my life I feel like
I am seeing unconditional love from a human.
It is really difficult to share my story.
I’ve been through so much but if it can help someone I’m glad to do
it.
Going through such a traumatic childhood where my parents thought
that kind of discipline was what God wanted was horrific.
But I’m changing it for my children. I’m not a perfect mom but we
don’t use any physical discipline in our home. And though their dad and I are
divorced, he does not believe in corporal punishment either, which I’m thankful
for.”
(Testimony ends here)
This dear sister, today, is in a much better place than she has
ever been in, by her own testimony. However, as she, herself, tells us, she is
still carrying a lot of the pain of childhood after having grown up in such a
“horrific” childhood.
It is for her and to the many other dear suffering people like her
who suffered at the hands of people who used corporal
punishment/spanking/smacking thinking that was what God wanted them to do that
I have prepared this material. I pray it blesses you.
Practical Note: What I am going to say in this paper is meant to encourage and
uplift and to give a theological perspective. It is not meant to be a
substitute for the care of a medical doctor or a professional in the area of
mental health or psycho-social treatment. I support 100% the work of mental
health professionals and my work exists in parallel to the important healing
work that such professional medical personnel do in support of helping hurting
people get better.
While the above is what I believe, I think that there are also
things we can learn from the Holy Scriptures in a practical sense which can
help us heal.
This paper is a work in progress and is designed to be improved, so
please feel free to share your ideas to me directly on: info@biblechild.com. Thank you Samuel Martin
Beginning with Prayer
I am going to say somethings about prayer that may be surprising,
but I do so seeking to turn our attention towards Christ and towards His Word which
I think offers us the opportunity perhaps to reorient ourselves.
When we obtain a clearer understanding about God and about His Word
and find the truth that we can stand on, I think speaking for myself, this
makes me feel better physically, mentally and spiritually.
We all want to feel better, but sometimes the process of feeling
better is very closely linked I believe to understanding better and in this
case, I mean to better understand the truth of God.
By understanding God’s truth, we can better understand and either
accept or appreciate more our current circumstances and it may be that God has
us in the place we are for His purposes and it is His purposes that we want to
discover.
The Maturity of Prayer and Understanding Its Limits
Prayer is one of the most misunderstood teachings. I take a very
simple view of it.
Whatever view you or I take of prayer, we must admit that there is
a correct way to pray that is in conformity to the will of God. I believe this
is the case and I believe that the Bible has this information for us in its
pages. Whatever you or I think is fine, but what we want to know is what is the
correct interpretation of Biblical truth concerning this issue. The truth, I
believe can be found.
"Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of
any private interpretation" (II Peter 1: 20).
It is very common for us Christians to have a tendency to pray at the drop of a hat for
the smallest things. There is nothing wrong with that. We are called to pray
and to do so for each other and asking God for His help and guidance.
What we want to ask ourselves though in this case is a more
strategic question.
Here we have to ask: “God, I grew up with immense pain. I still
feel and am carrying that pain. I need some relief from the stress I am
carrying, from this trauma. Please God I need your comfort from this pain.”
Now, if we grew up and are still in the situation where we are
suffering from trauma this is a prayer we can earnestly pray seeking God’s Face
and Relief from Him directly.
This is what I call a “Strategic Prayer.” We are really asking Him
for healing for this specific pain.
Now, here is where I am going to quote Scripture to hopefully
rationalize this whole matter and put this whole issue into what I hope is a
proper Biblical perspective.
I believe that this prayer should be prayed.
I believe that we should seek God’s Face on this matter.
The important thing we have to realize though is that we are going
to pray this prayer with a specific approach and that approach is 100%
Biblical.
Let us look at a matter that St. Paul brings to our attention
saying:
"And lest I should be
exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given
to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should
be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it
might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for
my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather
glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I
take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions,
in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."
(II Corinthians 12:7- 10).
This is quite an important text, which I think has an important
message. Paul here is asking God to remove from him a specific “thorn in the
flesh”.
We can elaborate a little more on this text to help us better
understand St. Paul and his views on this issue. My late father commented on
this in a really good way saying:
“Paul makes it abundantly clear that he was subject to frequent, if
not permanent, sicknesses in II Corinthians 12:7-10.
Many have disputed what Paul's "thorn in the flesh" was.
While no one can precisely pinpoint Paul's affliction, he makes it plain that
it was "in the flesh." His flesh was afflicted in some way. In verse
5 he said he gloried "in mine infirmities." As stated before, no one
knows what those infirmities were, but the Greek word "infirmities"
is the same one used to describe the impotent man of thirty-eight years who lay
at the Pool of Bethesda (John 5:5). It also was applied to the woman who was
bowed over for eighteen years (Luke 13:11,12). Lazarus, the bother of Mary and
Martha, was also sick (John 11:1-6). All of these sicknesses were described
with the same Greek word (translated "diseases" in Acts 28:9) that
Paul said described his own condition. He had infirmities (in the plural) and
they were given to him, not because he was a sinner, but he says they were to
keep him humble, "lest I should be exalted above measure" (verse 7).
This reference shows that sicknesses can be given by God for profitable
purposes. Perhaps Job's three friends would have advised Paul that he must have
been a sinner, thinking that God would never afflict a person unless there was
some evil to correct. Actually, God had Paul afflicted to prevent him from
committing evil not to correct some evil he had already committed.
Paul's sicknesses were apparently of long duration. In his Galatian
epistle he talks about "an infirmity of the flesh" (4:13) a sickness which he had when he first
preached the Gospel to them. This was to Paul a temptation or a "trial in
my flesh" (verse 14). Nevertheless,
he preached to them while infirm. He blessed the Galatians because they "despised
not, nor rejected; but received me as an angel of God, even as Christ
Jesus" (4:14). The sickness was a
great trial to Paul. Normally, people would have despised or rejected one
having such an infirmity, but the Galatians didn't.
No one knows what his affliction was, but Paul did say, in his commendations
of the Galatians, that "if it had been possible, ye would have plucked out
your own eyes, and have given them to me" (4:15). He may have had an eye disease which was
obvious to all, or his statement could have been a figure of speech meaning
they would have given up their chief organs of sense to relieve him of his
affliction in a vicarious way. Whatever the answer, on thing is certain: Paul
was a sick man when he preached to the Galatians. And he must have continued to
be sick for some time. Much later in his Corinthian letter, he gloried in his
infirmities (II Corinthians 12:5). As Paul said, they were given him to keep
him humble, not because he had sinned.
Paul's infirmities may have been the reason that Luke accompanied Paul
on many of his journeys (Acts 20 and II Timothy 4:11). Luke was a physician
(Colossians 4:14), a person who probably had the gift of healing (Corinthians
12:9). He was a professional physician.
Throughout his Gospel and Acts he used special medical language which
characterized him as a professional Greek physician who was very familiar with
his art (International standard Bible Encyclopedia, Vol. 3, p. 1938). It is
only logical that Luke helped Paul with advice concerning his infirmities.”
(Martin, Healing, Medicine and Physicians)
Our Lord Jesus also did the same thing. He asked God only three
times not to have to face the crucifixion. (Matt.26:44)
Now for those of us who suffer the deep seated pain of an
upbringing of corporal punishment/spanking/smacking, this describes us well.
We want relief from this problem, so what should we do?
We should exactly what Jesus and Paul did. We should pray for God
to give us relief from this “thorn in the flesh.”
But, in doing so, let’s be mature and let’s be strategic about it
and in this verse we have the very specific example of how this is to be done.
You should pray this prayer only three times!
If after praying it three times and you still are experiencing the
same anxieties, the same problems sleeping, or the same trauma and feelings you
used to have, you, like Paul, will have your answer.
God has answered your prayer and He, like Paul, is telling you.
“I am not going to remove this “thorn in the flesh” from you. You
are going to have to live with it.”
My father once commented on Paul’s leaving one of his intimate
associates sick saying:
“Paul on one occasion left one of his intimate associates stricken with
illness: "Trophimus have I left in Miletus sick" (II Timothy 4:20). …
Also, it is remarkable that Paul, while many special miracles of healing
occurred in his early ministry (Acts 19:11,12) there was no miracle of healing
for Trophimus. Paul left on the journey while Trophimus was still sick.”
(Martin, Healing, Medicine and Physicians)
Now, I believe that this can be an important realization for
someone who is suffering from this type of mental pain.
If one reaches a point where they believe they have the Lord’s
answer, I believe they can still follow the Biblical advice to seek those
spiritual elders around them to come and anoint them with oil and pray for
them. My father further discussed this issue saying:
“Since healing from sicknesses and the first death are not with the
Atonement of Christ as a present reality, should one now be anointed for sickness? The Scripture says "Yes." If one is
anointed, what does he ask Christ to do for him? James 5:14,15 says:
"Is any sick among you?
let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him,
anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall
save the sick, and the Lord shall raise
him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven
him."
In this instruction we are nowhere asked to apply Christ's sacrifice
or to apply his overall Atonement for our healing. We are told only to anoint
with oil and to pray over him pray the
prayer of faith. But what should the prayer of faith be concerning with
regarding the healing of the sick one? Really, the prayer should be for MERCY!
"But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be
whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what
that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the
righteous, but sinners to repentance" (Matthew 9:12, 13).
Jesus was talking about sick people. He said the sick need a physician.
He was the great physician during his ministry. He went about healing people.
He healed them by showing MERCY he desires to give people MERCY. "I will
have MERCY and not sacrifice." Christ healed people because he had mercy
on them. His healings were an expression of intensive sympathy with suffering
humanity. Notice some excellent examples:
"Two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, Thou son of
David, have mercy on us" (Matthew 9:27) and he healed them.
"Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is a lunatick, and sore
vexed" (Matthew 17:15) and he healed him.
And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and
cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter
is grievously vexed with a devil" (Matthew 15:22) and he healed her.
There was also bind Bartimaeus of Jericho who, "When he heard
that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out, and say, Jesus, thou son of
David have mercy on me" (Mark 10:47) and "immediately he received his
sight" (verse 52).
"There met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar
off: and they lifted up their voices,
and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us" (Luke 17:12, 13) and "they
were cleansed" (verse 14).
All of these examples of healings done by Christ occurred before his
Atonement was fully worked out. He was simply showing the people mercy. …
And when James wrote his instruction about anointing the sick for healing,
he said, just three verses earlier in the context: "The Lord is very
pitiful and of tender mercy" (James 5:11).
It is Christ's mercy
that one appeals to for healing now not his Atonement! Christ can then respond with his mercy as he
pleases.
"For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have
mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. So then it is not of him that willeth, not of
him that runneth, but of God that showeth mercy" (Romans 9:15, 16).
Christ may not wish to show mercy at this time for a higher cause -
as in Paul's case when Christ told him he would not release him from the "thorn
in the flesh" so that he might keep him humble. Timothy continued to have
his "often infirmities."
Christ did not heal him. But through Paul, Christ did heal other in
miraculous ways even with pieces of cloth (Acts 19:11, 12). (It must here be pointed out that nowhere is
there scriptural authority for anointing pieces of cloth and sending them to people
for healing. We are not told that the aprons and handkerchiefs which people
took from Paul's person were anointed by him. See Acts 19:11,12. There may not
be anything wrong with the practice in itself, but it has not the least
Biblical warrant. Indeed, several of our
Lord's cures were wrought while he was at a distance from the patient (Matthew
15:21-28; John 4:46-53; Luke 7:1-10). His prayers were all that were necessary.
He dispatched no anointed cloths.)
What About God's Promises to Heal?
There are beautiful promises of God scattered throughout the bible
which seem to pledge complete healing or blessing for the present, and they seem
to be without comprise. Notice some of them.
"And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his
commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight? (I John
3:22).
"And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I
say unto you, whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, He will give
it" (John 16:23)
Then when Christ sent out the twelve disciples, he commissioned
them to:
"Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out
devils: freely ye have received, freely give: (Matthew 10:8).
He also commissioned them later to a world mission:
"They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly
thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall
recover" (Mark 16:18).
"According to your faith, be it unto you" (Matthew 9:29).
"Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy
diseases"(Psalm 103:3).
"And he said, if thou will diligently hearken to the voice of
the Lord thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear
unto his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of
these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians:
for I am the Lord that healeth thee [Israel]" (Exodus 15:26).
"I will take sickness away from the midst of thee
[Israel]" (Exodus 23:25).
All of these promises and there are others also are all-encompassing
and seem to show that people are promised healing or any blessing here and now.
But can these Scriptures be used indiscriminantly to bring us utopia in our
present age? We must be careful not careless with God's Word. Let us notice a
Scripture which will show us how to apply all of God's promises which he has so
graciously given to us. It is a cardinal Scripture in this regard:
"And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we
ask anything according to his will, he heareth us" (I John 5:14).
Those words, "according to his will, " should be \burned
into our consciences because they will moderate (not do away with, but
interpret) God's promises in specific cases. God's will is important, and we
must
look for what is his will in particular circumstances. We need to understand
his will.
"Wherefore be yet not unwise, but understanding what the will
of the Lord is" (Ephesians 5:17).
"Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may
prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God" (Romans
12:2).
What is the perfect will of God?
Can we know it in all cases? Can we
be sure He wants to give us all blessings here and now? Would God ever come to the place of willing
that we suffer in this present life?
Peter said: "for it is better, if the will of God be so, that
ye suffer for well doing than for evil doing" (I Pet. 3:17).
Clearly, it is sometimes the will of God that we suffer, though some
Scriptures seem to say otherwise. Take, for example, III John 2: "Beloved,
I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in
health." This cannot be true for every single Christian at all
times. Why, Paul suffered with sicknesses.
Trophimus was sick. Epaphroditus almost died with an ailment. Timothy
was beleaguered with "man
infirmities." These
early Christian ministers suffered, and they suffered because it was God's
will. Paul was told not to petition God any more for relief from his
infirmities.
"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made
perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my
infirmities [rendered "diseases" in Acts 28:9]" (II Corinthians
12:9).
Though none of us wants to suffer, it is sometimes God's will that we
do (Hebrews 12:6). Some, however, have
pointed to a beautiful statement made by the Psalmist. David said: "Who [God] forgiveth all thine
iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases" (103:3). Is this a promise or a
statement of fact? It is certainly not an indiscriminant promise. David simply
stated a fact. When one is forgive, it is always
God who forgives. And also when a person is healed, it is God who performs
its. Let's not read into the Scripture
more than is there nor interpret it contrary to David's intent.
And too, when Christ sent out the original twelve and told them to heal
the sick and raise the dead, it was his will to perform those thing, them. Some imagine that this command to heal the
sick was universal application, but healing her is also connected with power to
raise the dead. Is that to be applied today? How many people are being resurrected
now? Can the original commission to the
twelve be on universal intent? If so,
why aren't the dead being raised consistently, as some feel the sick can be
healed? We should be careful not to
apply to ourselves indiscriminately a specific commission which Christ gave to the twelve apostles for a particular mission. As a matter of fact, Christ also commanded
them on that particular mission not to take may money or means of support
whatever (Matthew 19:9, 10). Hardly anyone would suggest that Christ was here
giving an example for all future assignments because later he commanded the
disciples to take money with them (Luke 22:35, 36). What was Christ's will at
that particular time for a certain group of people may not be his will at
another time for others.” (Martin, Healing, Medicine and Physicians)
If this is then the case and that God is not going to provide me
some kind of strategic relief, what does a person do?
What a person does is find practical ways to cope and address the
issue of corporal punishment/spanking/smacking and what happened to you.
You are now going to develop a plan to maintain yourself and live
with the fact that this pain is not going away, but rather you are going to
address this issue in a more practical way in the sense of maintenance to give
yourself coping mechanisms to fight this feeling going on inside you and
reorient yourself and renew your mind towards a more peaceful and peace
oriented existence.
How do we go about doing this?
The Example of Christ
In times like this, I think that it helps to look at our Lord and
the life He experienced.
God understands our pain, all of our pain.
We are reminded of this in the Bible.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of a spouse who has been cheated on.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of a woman giving birth.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of this broken world as a musician who wails and weeps.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of having prodigal children.
Listen to this very powerful message from Professor William Webb which talks about these points.
https://www.tyndale.ca/podcasts/chapel/2019-06-11
God understands our pain, all of our pain.
We are reminded of this in the Bible.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of a spouse who has been cheated on.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of a woman giving birth.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of this broken world as a musician who wails and weeps.
-God speaks in Scripture of understanding the pain of having prodigal children.
Listen to this very powerful message from Professor William Webb which talks about these points.
https://www.tyndale.ca/podcasts/chapel/2019-06-11
The first thing we have to understand was that our Lord Jesus chose
to come to earth as a human and join us in this life:
This life He came to live was not an easy life with no pain or
suffering. He was even prophesied to be the “Suffering Servant” saying:
“"For he shall grow up before him [Yahweh] as a tender plant,
and as a root out of a dry ground: he has no form or comeliness; and when we
see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and
rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief [rendered sickness
in the King James 12 times]: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised,
and we esteemed him not" (Isa.53:2,3).
This is important. Jesus came to earth to live a very difficult
life and He did so willingly. Note this text:
"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who,
being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made
himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made
in the likeness of men: and being found in the fashion of a man, he humbled
himself and became obedient unto death" (Phil.2:5-7).
It is also important to remember the following statement also of
Paul who said:
“"For we have not an high priest that cannot be touched with
the feeling of our infirmities [translated sicknesses in several contexts]; but
one that has been in all points put under trial like as we are, yet without
sin" (Heb.4:15). (edits mine)
My late father elaborated on this matter in ch.16 of his book Secrets
of Golgotha saying:
“Note what Keil and Delitzsch said in their commentary on Isaiah 53
(vol. II, p.307 note 1).
"The Church before the time of Constantine pictured to itself
the Lord, as He walked on earth, as repulsive in His appearance; whereas the
Church after Constantine pictured Him as having quite an ideal beauty."
Smith's Dictionary of Christian Antiquities provides a number of
historical references to show that the early fathers of the Church (before the
time of Constantine) were well aware (and believed) that Jesus was repulsive in
appearance (vol. I, p.875).”
It is important to remember this also about our Lord.
He healed others, but He chose not to heal Himself. Jesus could
have healed Himself had He have wished to do so, but he did not choose to do
that.
A very important text in this regard is Matthew 8:16,17:
“That evening they brought to him many who were oppressed by
demons, and he cast out the spirits with a word and healed all who were sick.
This was to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah: “He took our
illnesses and bore our diseases.” (ESV)
Jesus was “bearing our sicknesses” and “taking our illnesses” upon
Himself. He was the Suffering Servant long before He ever went to the cross.
Matthew 8 is taking place well over a year before He died!
Note that this is exactly what people said about Him.
“Physician, heal yourself” (Luke 4:23).
Now, here we have bad news and good news.
The bad news is that it may be that in this life, you will never
feel 100% healed from the experiences that you are experiencing or are carrying
with you and suffering from.
The good news is, however, you can heal others just as our Lord
Himself did!
That is right! You could decide to be an instrument of healing for
others. You could use the tools and the knowledge you have to share your
experience with others and urge them to learn from what happened to you. You
could help others who would like to minister to people dealing with the issue
of corporal punishment/spanking/smacking. You might have tools to help others.
You might have a bit of money that you could channel into something that
counters this teaching. You might share a story or a book or might visit people
and share why you don’t hit your own children.
This is all in your power. You might not be able to do all of this,
but I think that most reasonable people would agree that most people can find a
comfort zone where they could take action to counter act evil and themselves
not get triggered by it. I hope that we agree that that is possible.
In this way, you get the wonderful experience to live a life being
a healer of others like our Lord did.
It might not be easy, but it will feel
good and God will be pleased with you.
The Example of Paul
There are many things to say about St. Paul and his example and
teachings. One of the most important for our discussion here is found in
Philippians 4:4-9 saying:
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your
gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything,
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your
requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever
is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if
there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about
these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and
heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.” (NRSV)
This text is full of teaching if are just willing to see it. It
really helps us reorient our lives and our thinking on a practical level.
First, he focuses on “gentleness”. This something we can also see
in the following texts saying:
“Come to me, all who labor and
are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke
upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy,
and my burden is light.” Matt. 11:28-30
|
“But the hour is coming, and is now
here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and
truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.” (John 4:23)
|
I no longer call you servants, because a
servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you
friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known
to you. (John 15:15 NIV)
|
Recompense to no man evil for evil.
Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as
lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not
yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is
mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed
him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of
fire on his head.
Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil
with good. - Romans 12:17-21
|
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against
such things there is no law. (Gal. 5:22, 23 ESV)
|
“What do you want? Shall I come to you with a
rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness?” (I Corinthians 4:21 NKJV)
|
“And the fathers! provoke not your
children, but nourish them in the instruction and admonition of the
Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 YLT)
|
“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and
beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness,
longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another,”
(Colossians 3:12,13 NKJV)
|
“Fathers, do not provoke your children,
lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21 NKJV)
|
“These things have I spoken unto you, that my
joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. This is my
commandment, that ye love one another, even as I have loved you. Greater
love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his
friends.” (John 15-11-13 ASV)
|
These texts really support what Paul is saying in Philippians Four.
In addition, we can see the guidance he gives to help us orient our
daily lives. This is especially important for those of us who have been
traumatized by our upbringing. Note what he said:
·
whatever is true,
·
whatever is honorable,
·
whatever is just,
·
whatever is pure,
·
whatever is pleasing,
·
whatever is commendable,
·
if there is any excellence and if
there is anything worthy of praise,
·
think about these things.
Now, this list is very instructive because around it we can build
our daily existences and those of us who suffered with serious corporal
punishment/spanking/smacking can take that into account through this lens.
Through this orientation, we can give ourselves a kind of therapy.
Paul urges us to “Keep on doing the things that you have learned
and received and heard and seen in me.” Can following Paul’s advice help us
when we need to address difficult circumstances that face us?
What about the issue of claustrophobia? Being in a small area where
you can’t get out?
Paul knows this feeling quite well. We are told that he was
imprisoned seven times by Clement of Rome in his Epistle to the Corinthians.
What do we find Paul doing when he was imprisoned?
“And after striking them with many blows, they threw them into
prison and ordered the jailer to guard them securely. On receiving this order,
he placed them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About
midnight, Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other
prisoners were listening to them.” (Acts 16:23-25)
Now, this is something that someone who was claustrophobic might
think about. Maybe it is good to remember some pleasant song or a special hymn
or a psalm. Music can have a soothing and calming effect on us and this example
may be helpful for someone who suffers from claustrophobia.
What about waking up from a bad dream or feeling triggered in
something that brings back bad memories of your childhood? Maybe it makes good
sense to prepare a little beforehand knowing that this is going to happen
periodically and prepare yourself to react to the unpleasantness of the moment.
One of the important things that a person can do is to have a
pleasant or soothing smell or fragrance around which can be very helpful in
changing the mood or your feeling.
When walking in the streets of the old city of Jerusalem I
frequently smell frankincense, which was one of the gifts given to Jesus by the
Magi. This is mentioned in the Bible and incense can be used to bring a new
more pleasant scent to a time and place which might be uncomfortable.
Frankincense is burned in churches here in the Holy Land where
people often are going there to pray for serious problems in their lives. Those
smells help people think about God and help us feel closer to Him and on top of
that, they are mentioned in Scripture I think for a reason.
God Himself likes pleasant fragrances and scents and such things
can change a person’s mood.
The same thing can be said about a food that a person likes. If you
have a bad dream or are triggered negatively in some way, maybe that is the
moment to eat something you love and try to change the mood in the moment
through specific actions. We are called to rejoice and to eat and drink and be
thankful for what God has provided us.
Thinking a little bit in advance in preparation for these difficult
moments may make them less traumatic.
We can also be reminded of the very important text also written by
Paul in the book of Romans saying:
“Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good;
love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do
not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient
in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints;
extend hospitality to strangers. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do
not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live
in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly;
do not claim to be wiser than you are. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but
take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far
as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge
yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance
is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed
them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you
will heap burning coals on their heads.” Do not be overcome by evil, but
overcome evil with good.” (NRSV)
There is so much in this text which can lead to practical actions
which we can take. But we can do good to overcome evil, which will bless others
and God will bless us in return.
Paul takes the proactive position telling us what we can do to
“overcome evil with good”. There is another thing we can do. We can starve evil
and its influences by using some Biblical principles.
Consider the following
ideas:
Our Collective Shame
Everyone who reads my material knows about my activism around the
issue of the corporal punishment of children, but this is just one issue in a
much bigger one: A culture of violence.
We live in a culture of violence. Where violence is the norm and it
is accepted and even welcomed as a part of our lives and some of us have
experienced unwillingly or welcomed a little bit more violence than any of us
need into our lives and in my own view, we can do more to turn off the taps
that bring the water of violence into the rivers of our souls.
These rivers of violence manifest themselves in events that we see
around us and that we have experienced ourselves. Then, we get to see that we
are standing in a river of violence and the waters of violence are engulfing us
and we are in fact, drowning in violence. We who allow the culture
of violence to enter our lives are dying SPIRITUALLY. The thing that I realized
though is that I can swim and get out of this river if we wish to and we can
start the long swim to the shore of this river of violence.
Now, these rivers as I came to see are made up of a kind of rain on
our land: a violent rain, violent drops that gently cover all of us and then
when we see what happened to us and others, we all realize just how immersed
and baptized in violence we all are.
So what can I do to swim out of this river?
To Avoid Sin, Build Fences Around Fences Around Fences
I personally have found great comfort in some of the teachings that
I have learned from Judaism and one of these involves the teachings called
“Khumra.” This is from Wikipedia: “1. A khumra (חומרה; pl. חומרות, khumrot) is a prohibition or obligation in Jewish
practice that exceeds the bare requirements of Jewish law. One who
imposes a khumra on him- or herself in a given instance is
said to be מחמיר makhmir.
The rationale for a khumra comes from Deuteronomy
22:8, which states that when one builds a house, he must build a fence around
the roof in order to avoid guilt should someone fall off the roof. This has
been interpreted by many as a requirement to "build a fence around the
Torah" in order to protect the mitzvot (commandments of God).
An obligation or prohibition can be adopted by an individual or an
entire community. Early references to khumrot are found in
the Talmud, and the
understanding and application of them has changed over time.
Most often found in Orthodox
Judaism, khumrot are variously seen as a precaution
against transgressing the Halakha or as a way of keeping those who have taken
on the stringency separate from those who have not.
This definition to someone who has never heard of this idea might
be a bit hard to understand. I understand this teaching like this.
For example, in the Bible, a person was not permitted to eat a fish
that did not have fins and scales. Now, for those seeking to meet these
requirements in a more stringent way, they might propose additional
prohibitions or obligations to ensure that one does not eat a fish that is
considered unclean and not allowed. This is the idea we are talking about.
So what could a person do to avoid eating such a fish? First, to
eat something, you have to touch it. So, another level would be: You are not
allowed to touch an unclean fish.
Now, depending on the circumstances that a person found around him
or herself, one could even extend a prohibition to a greater level. How might
this happen? One could say: “To ensure that I don’t touch a fish that is
unclean (because I am not allowed to eat), I am not going to enter a fish shop
that sells non-kosher fish.
Now, this might seem extreme and I guess from one point of view, it
might be, but one also might think about the circumstances one finds oneself
in, where such prohibitions might even be helpful. We could even extend this
idea to say that to avoid eating a fish, not only will not touch such a fish
and not enter a place where such fish are sold and I might also extend the
prohibition to include not even frequenting a street where the shop that sells
such fish is located.
Some of us are familiar with such ideas when it comes to the issue
of corporal
punishment/spanking/smacking. For some of us, we are triggered by
things we read, so we avoid certain stories or publications or certain Facebook
groups. We know about this, but if we think about this a little deeper, there
is more we can do to dry up the violence river.
Now, I personally believe that we have the roots of such ideas even
in the Bible. It is not too evident to those who are unfamiliar with this idea,
but after becoming more familiar with this idea, you start to see it popping up
in the Biblical texts in a way which seems to point towards its relevance. Note
the following text which could be interpreted quite easily in this fashion.
“Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your
mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants
for your neck. My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say,
“Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood; let us ambush the innocent without
reason;…” (Proverbs 1:8-11 ESV)
Now, in looking at this text in light of the idea of building a
fence around a fence around a fence, you can see here what these parents are
telling their son. They are telling him “If evil people ask you to join with
them, say ‘No’.” Then, note the next level we find in this text. It says: “Come
with us…” This is a new level, because the parent knows that the child may not
be able to resist the first level. That first fence around the sinful thing
might not be enough. So the advice given is of a greater intensity or a higher
level. Look at it!
It says just after this: “my son, do not walk in the way with them;
hold back your foot from their paths, (Proverbs 1:15 ESV)
This is totally a new level! To avoid sin by hurting someone, first
you say no, but if you still feel tempted, don’t hang out with these people!
Now, what about another level? Think about this. Here is another
text to consider in this idea of building fences around fences around fences.
Check it out.
We have some discussion in the Scriptures about sin which takes
places outside of the home. (Proverbs 7:10-11; I Timothy 5:13; Titus 2:5)
Note also an exceedingly important text from the book of Isaiah:
“Come, my people, enter your chambers, and shut your doors behind
you; hide yourselves for a little while until the fury has passed by.” (Isaiah
26:20 ESV)
What we find in these texts is an additional prohibition of even
exiting a house to avoid evil. This is exactly what is being taught in these
texts. One could create a formulation that looks like this.
1. To avoid sin if people were asking
me engage in sinful behavior, I would refuse
2. To ensure that I refuse from
engaging in sinful behavior that some might ask me to engage in, I would avoid
frequenting places where such people congregate.
3. To further ensure that I do not
engage in sinful behavior, which some might ask me to engage in, not only will
I not visit places where they might frequent, to ensure that this does not
happen, I will remain in my own home!
This is how I understand this issue of prohibition from behaviors
which could lead one to sin.
The Fences you can Build Now
So, of late I have come to see the need personally that I have a
bit of fence building to do. This is because I find myself in a situation where
not only have I left my house and frequented places where sin is in evidence,
when I was asked to join sin, I didn’t say “No!”
This is hard place to find oneself, but we even find this discussed
in the book of Proverbs and it tells us what to do. Note Proverbs 6:1-10:
My son, if you
have put up security for your neighbor,
have given your pledge for a stranger,
if you are snared in the words of your mouth,
caught in the words of your mouth,
then
do this, my son, and save yourself,
for you have come into the hand of your neighbor:
go,
hasten, and plead urgently with your neighbor.
Give
your eyes no sleep
and your eyelids no slumber;
save
yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter,
like a bird from the hand of the fowler.
Go to the
ant, O sluggard;
consider her ways, and be wise.
Without having any chief,
officer, or ruler,
she prepares her bread in summer
and gathers her food in harvest.
How long will you lie there, O sluggard?
When will you arise from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
You can see the levels here. If you find yourself in an environment
where you feel you are not right with God or in sin, run the other way; go to
the person who is holding this sway over you and get out of the situation;
Don’t rest until you have removed yourself; Be like an animal running away from
someone trying to trap it.
This is clear.
Building Fences Against Violence In Our Culture
So, when we think on all of this, we realize that we all have a bit
of work to do. This is because when we look at the strategic level of an issue
like violence in our cultures, we find the task we are facing to stop it so
gargantuan, so huge and massive that it seems almost insurmountable to change.
But this is the wrong idea to have if we are going to change things because big
change is only made up of lots of individual people collectively getting
together and making lots of small changes.
I saw that myself living here in Israel trying influence what is
taking place in the USA is a bit limited by geographical realities, but instead
of thinking what I could not do, I began to ponder ways of what I could do on
the practical level to free myself from the snare of violence that we are all
immersed in.
Now, right now, I cannot change the laws in the USA or other
countries surrounding certain issues which may be important to me, but the
above things are things that I can do and one could think of a 100 other things
they could do.
If enough people get together and do small changes, big changes are
not only possible, but are natural and will come. But unless you realize, like
me, that you are swimming in the wrong river, you will never realize that you
have any sins to run away from.
Here is where we all have some work to do and some questions to ask
ourselves.
What is my situation? What can I do within my means and within my
own comfort zone and also making sure that I first care for myself and my loved
ones?
If you think about it, there are literally scores of things that
someone could do to be an activist against corporal
punishment/spanking/smacking.
Here are just a few ideas. There are hundreds more.
1.
Someone could start a program of
going and visiting new mothers in maternity wards giving them a kind of
non-violence welcome wagon gift that include resources, testimonies, contacts
for gentle parenting, etc.
2.
Buy or help people acquire the truth
about corporal punishment/spanking/smacking in the Christian context.
3.
Support mental health workers or
those in ministry through scholarships that are designed to target people who
wish to work to see corporal punishment/spanking/smacking reduced.
4.
If you are in a church that promotes
corporal punishment leave and never return and let the pastor and congregation
know why you left.
Write letters to the editor of your
local paper. Speak to the media and tell your story when the subject comes up
in the local press. Be an activist and tell people why who stopped, how you
stopped and how they can do the same.
These are just a few things that you could do. Think about it and
take action within your means to do so. God will reward you and you are
guaranteed to feel better in your life in Jesus’ name.
APPENDIX STARTS HERE
I did have too much more to say about my own upbringing, but after
many years after writing this book, I can perhaps elaborate a little bit more
on my experience and upbringing.
I was raised in the Worldwide Church of God. My parents joined this
cult in the late 1950’s in response to the teachings of Herbert W. Armstrong.
At that time, Armstrong was teaching that the world was coming to an end and
that Jesus would return in the near future. This church taught a form of
Anglo-Israelism which taught that certain European nations were in fact past of
the nation of Israel and were part of the lost tribes of Israel.
This church believed that it was necessary to keep the Biblical
Sabbath (Saturday) and followed the Jewish holydays, so we never kept things
like Easter or Christmas, which were considered pagan days.
There were many teachings in this church which were used to keep
people in line and spanking/smacking was one of them. The church had its own
schools which were a major force in controlling children.
To show how engrained the teaching of spanking/smacking was, I
remember my mother telling the story about how on my first day of school, I
came home and the first thing I said to her was:
“Mom, I didn’t even get a swat.”
My mother tells me though that when she first heard me say this to
her that she thought that I had said that I had in fact gotten a swat on the
first day of school.
She was quite relieved when she further questioned me to finally
learn that she had misunderstood me.
It just goes to show how harsh this school was against children
that they would think about spanking a five year old on his first day at
school, but that was the culture.
Growing up in England and attending this school, I can say I was
never hit once in that school for any reason. I can’t say that for my sisters.
I attribute this to the fact that I was the only son of one of the leading men
in the church in England at that time, but also due to the style of leadership
where sons of church leaders would be groomed to assume leadership positions in
the future. That denomination was ruled by fear and even at six or seven years
old, I believe that people would have thought twice about spanking me because
of what it might mean to them in the future.
I have two older sisters who did not have the same experience that
I did. Girls were treated differently than boys and were made to know that they
were second class citizens in the Kingdom of God there just to serve men.
Spanking (or “smacking” as they call it in the United Kingdom) was
something that was absolutely a Biblical requirement taught in the World Wide
Church of God like so many other churches who believe and teach the same thing
based on their interpretations of the Bible.
The World Wide Church of God took it a step further because their
leaders were very active in written publishing ministry. This brought their
view on spanking children more out into the open through the publication of a
book called “The Plain Truth About Child Rearing.” (https://www.hwalibrary.com/cgi-bin/get/hwa.cgi?action=getbklet&InfoID=1360585891)
This book was written by the son of the founder of the World Wide
Church of God, Garner Ted Armstrong. It is quite typical of many other such books
which urge parents to strike infants in cribs, demand children be seen and not
heard and goes into all different types of ritual behaviors surrounding
corporal punishment/spanking/smacking.
This is the culture that this church promoted aggressively among
the parents and in particular among mothers who were the main caregivers of
small children. Women also in this denomination were dominated by strong
patriarchal rules that also governed their behavior in an almost military
fashion.
Spanking children who were misbehaving during church services
(which often lasted for hours) was a feature that has been mentioned by many
people who attended this denomination. The comments on this blog post give
eyewitness testimonies to special rooms or locations at church services or at
feast sites where members would meet annually for church related religious
services where children would be spanked for behaving badly in church. This was
expected behavior and helped to control the community and show that people were
following the churches’ teachings.
(http://ambassadorwatch.blogspot.com/2016/04/spanking.html)
In general, my parents were pretty mild compared to some of the
other parents. I remember one of my friends who was the same age. He would get
spanked for the most minor of infractions like, God forbid, making any noise
when you drank a cup of milk. His parents were brutal and later in life we
found out that he was a slow learner and mildly disabled to make the whole thing
even worse.
I have maintained some contacts from my youth and even have the
testimony of a babysitter who used to take care of me and who was authorized by
my parents to spank me if it was needed. I have testimony and how she has today
distanced herself from everything she was taught in the World Wide Church of
God. (https://samuelmartin.blogspot.com/2014/01/spanking-never-felt-right-samuel.html)
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